I sent my boys to Texas without me.
On Wednesday, I packed up my whole heart in the car and sent it off to Texas with my parents. The last 7.5 months have been filled with so much joy, but they have been HARD. I am learning that if my cup is empty, I have nothing to give the people in my life. And my cup has been very empty lately. As hard as it was to watch my babies leave, Blake and I really needed this time. Football season, basketball season and the all consuming twin life have taken a toll on our marriage because there has been very little us time. It's been so life giving to reconnect and spend quality time just the two of us. And I have needed this time to rest, refuel and get things done.
Has it been hard to be away from them? Yes. But it's also been so good for us and good for them. They have been so loved on by my family and friends in Houston and I know my parents will cherish these memories forever. I think you build trust with your kids when you leave them and then come back. I want my boys to learn that we will always be back, but it is so healthy to allow the people in your life a chance to love on them apart from you. It really is one of the sweetest gifts in life to watch people love on your kids.
Letting go is hard. When you leave your kids for any amount of time, you have to let go of control. They won't do it like you and that's ok. You have to trust them with your kids and know that Jesus has got them. As moms, it's so easy to make ourselves crazy trying to control every little thing. And I think that is a huge part of why it's so hard to leave our kids overnight. Control. We can't let go. I know every situation is different and it's hard to find someone you trust enough to keep your kids. But if you have friends or family in your life that are willing and able, I challenge you to make it a priority to get away with your spouse, even if it's just for one night.
And let me just say, Chief and Kiki are rockstar grandparents. I am not sure I could have left the boys for 3 days if it was with anyone else. They flew with them (which is no joke) and have handled bedtime (which has been so hard these days) like champs. They have kept me updated, sent pictures, reassured my heart about how loved on the boys are and haven't made me feel like it has been a burden once. I probably would have left them sooner, but twins are just hard. And I felt bad putting that on someone else. And there is also the milk situation. Not going to lie, it did give me a bit of anxiety when I had to send just about my entire freezer stash that has taken me months to build in a cooler to Texas. But God has been so sweet and allowed me to replenish what I sent in this time apart.
So many people have asked what I am doing with all my free time. And the answer is REST. Since I don't have Eli to nurse, I am having to pump double time - at my normal pump times and when I would normally be nursing him. But, I have still had so much quiet time to rest, be still before the Lord, read, catch up on work and hang with my hubby. All the things that fill my cup. Today is day 3 and I am so very ready to see those boys. SO, TAKE ME TO TEXAS!! We land at 9:30 tonight which means the boys will probably be asleep but I can't wait to squeeze them first thing in the morning. Man I miss them!
Stay tuned for our fun two week Texas adventure.
Lots of love,